Jerome Atputhasingam: Why We Research at the Memory and Aging Center BACK

Published by AFAR

Jerome Atputhasingam
University of California, San Francisco School of Medicine

When I entered the examination room at the UCSF’s Memory and Aging Center (MAC), I was completely unaware of who I would meet inside. Having just started my MSTAR project, I was only beginning to get a grasp of my environment and barely had a clue about the types of patients seen at MAC. On this particular day, I was greeted by an older aged woman and her husband. As I began to introduce myself, I realized that the woman struggled to introduce herself back to me. She had a hard time speaking words, much less complete sentences.

Since the attending was running a bit late, I was the only person in the examination room besides the couple. I was not sure what to talk about or even if I should talk. Luckily, the husband was good at small talk and went on about the lovely weather in San Francisco. Finally, the attending entered the room and I breathed a sigh of relief.

The complete patient examination must have taken two hours to complete, and yet time flew faster than usual for me. Since the attending did not tell me beforehand about the diagnosis, I tried in the beginning of the interview to figure out what the woman’s disease might be. In addition to speech, she had problems with balance, eye movements, and swallowing. I came up with a short differential in my head before realizing that I had not been present with the patient. I had let my head wander into my neurology lectures and was missing what the patient was actually telling us.

So for the rest of the interview, I decided to take off my medical hat and simply listen. And in the time that I listened, I witnessed the extraordinary love that was shared between the couple. The husband, although visibly sad about the deteriorating state of his wife, treated her as his equivalent. Though she could not complete many of the tasks that able-bodied people are able to do, he allowed her to be her own advocate. For me, the fact that he didn’t baby her was a remarkable sight. I could see this type of love not only fostered courage in his wife but also nurtured the transition of their love story into a new era of communication.

There were several moments throughout the interview where the wife burst into uncontrollable laughter, yet her eyes remained deeply saddened. She explained to us that when she felt sad, she would laugh out loud and she could do nothing about it. It made me wonder what it would feel like to be inside a body which acted according to its own will. What would such separation of mind and body cause a human being?

All throughout the interview, I couldn’t help but feel deeply connected to the humanness of this woman’s struggle. Though the disease was something completely foreign to me, I felt the gravity of the human moments we shared. At the end of the interview, the attending asked her if she had any questions. She turned her neck to look at her husband and then turned back to look at the doctor. Slowly, she said “It’s only going to get worse isn’t it?”

I felt the already the silent room become more silent. The attending, as much as he hated what was about to come out of his mouth, mustered up the courage and said “Yes, and unfortunately we don’t have anything we can do to make it better.”

It was a moment I will never forget. In that moment, I understood why so many people around the world work tireless hours researching, trying their best to find something, anything that would elucidate an aspect of the human body. It is because when another patient asks the same question as this woman, we can say “We can stop it from getting worse” or even better “We can help you recover fully.” For me, that is the magic of research.

"Diary of an MSTAR Student" follows scholars in the 2012 Medical Student Training in Aging Research (MSTAR) Program, highlighting their summer experiences. As they continue their path of research, training and clinical practice, read their daily thoughts at www.afar.org/mstarblog. New diary entries are posted every day, so check back soon.